Hes dreaming too. 278. Never let anyone waste your time twice. 201. Does it count if you say them in your mind? I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 202. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. 237. 269. Nothing, they just waved. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Look, youre smiling! 67. 40. My jokes do. 8. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. - Donald Trump. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 31. 153. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Lily Tomlin 167. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. ". Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Gary Delaney 171. 104. 279. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Microchips. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Steven Wright However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 103. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. - Irish Saying. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. 220. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 1. 56. I stick to things until I get to my destination. It makes them so damned mad. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Bette Midler. 265. 268. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Run. 20. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 11. 70. I enjoy every minute of it. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 191. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Nothing, they just waved. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. (John 14:27) 27. 73. 69. I enjoy every minute of it. 245. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 49. 176. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Ken Dodd, 255. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Steven Alexander Wright 154. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I tried, but they wanted cash. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 7. He who laughs last didnt get it. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 1. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 174. Why was six scared of seven? no rich foods. - Jack London. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. 87. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Bill Murray, 260. 34. And a funny bone. 1. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 44. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 113. 1. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 156. Lily Tomlin, 242. Breasts dont have eyes. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 127. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 200. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. It gets toad away. Steven Alexander Wright. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Alison Boulter. Thank God Im an atheist. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Required fields are marked *. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Theres no stopping me now. 233. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 143. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Build a bridge. I feed my spirit. 150. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 32. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 64. A mind is like a parachute. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 1. I am on a seafood diet. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 262. 51. 81. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 276. 9. Friends buy you food. Love your enemies. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 24. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Bill Murray. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 103. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 2. Alison Boulter 79. 86. 112. Batwoman: single. 149. I dont think thats a coincidence. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. My mistakes dont define me. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Why did the school kids eat their homework? I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Not everyone has good taste. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 210. Albert King Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 211. "You have to be odd to be number one.". It makes them so damned mad. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. When nothing is going right, go left. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 162. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. "I receive what I believe.". Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. ". Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 23. I understand people talking about me. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Is it perfect? 93. We'll get to that later. P.D. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 222. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". I release all shame about my body. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 153. 117. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Breasts dont have eyes. A backbone. 16. 194. 265. 24. 170. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 241. I'm a peli-can! I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 20. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Because it was soda pressing. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Helen Giangregorio. 80. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Never ask a starfish for directions. 108. 255. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Effective pushing often involves poop. 2. I'm doing great. I am grateful for that time. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Its okay if people dont like me. 101. No, but April may. Mind blown! 26. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. At night, I cant fall asleep. Walter Bagehot Wilson Mizner, 262. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. 82. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 60. I have a lot to offer. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. - Kyle Chandler. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? In the morning, I cant get up. 61. Nobody gets out alive anyway. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 116. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 14. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 159. 196. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Enjoy! I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. When they go away, its a brighter day. Im like a postage stamp. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I am happy and joyful. Because he was always spotted. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 77. Funny Affirmations. I am enough. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. 2. 1. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 12. 28. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 225. When they go away, its a brighter day. Today I was a hero. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Send me the link. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 72. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 89. 9. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 40. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Steve Martin, 254. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Life always offers you a second chance. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 187. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". My body deserves love. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 88. 158. Dave Barry. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 240. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. I train my body. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. When life closes a door, just open it again. 252. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I did it! First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I nourish my body every day. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. I breathe in and out. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 268. Roy Lichtenstein Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I just go normal from time to time. 141. There are endless opportunities. 1. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 224. How do trees access the internet? Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. It gets toad away. Alright, get in the basket.. Honolulu, its got everything. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Your actions become your habits. It doesnt work if it is not open. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. My mind is becoming much sharper. 120. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 197. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Find a quiet place without distractions. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. - Bob Hope. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. With a cowculator. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 210. All you need is love. 21. 147. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Your values become your destiny. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 85. Robert A. Heinlein Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Short people with an umbrella. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Gary Delaney, 248. 3. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Stop trying to make everyone happy. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 133. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Today I will embrace the poop. I believe in what's possible for me. 43. I didnt want to interrupt her. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Im describing you. Run. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Never take life seriously. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 246. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. We have a connection. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. If only common sense were more common. They planet. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 185. Some when they enter, others when they leave. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 6. Sincerely, yourself. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 107. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Sincerely, the floor. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 57. 12. 73. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. You can only be young once. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. 152. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 139. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 197. I can always think of something funny to say. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. 50. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. Sometimes the M is silent. Funny Friday Quotes. Enjoy! - Billie Burke. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. My mom scolds me for no reason. 194. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". It is already tomorrow in Australia.". When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Because it was soda pressing. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". Pat Sajak, 41. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11.

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