She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Its all about the woman needs not the man. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. I was her first love. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. Stan, Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. Well -they dont. Research shows that sexual communication was. So.. I hear you bro. To some it may even taste nasty. But it nearly tore us apart. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. so I started to do it. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? I just dont understand. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. Im 65, shes 70. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). There is a lot more going on there. Sucks to be me, right! with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Same exact situation here its a living hell! When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? I think Im in love and theres no turning back. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. I sure want too. I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. All information is confidential. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . Its only going to get worse. No way not ever. why is he grumpy? In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. Be the man who won her heart! Oh stfu. The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex. And I still dont even know why! Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. and I feel I have been cheated. 60s, 70s. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! Those hormones can cause cancer. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. What to do about it: Make sure your wife has some time to herself to relax and feel restored. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. Addie You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. And I suffer. She may well become that cat lady a previous poster described. But very tired of masterbating. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. He will not talk about that either. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. I have what may be slight ED..but offered to stimulate and play at sex often..there are some really fun marital It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. Praying for these husbands. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Thank God I love to ski. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. . I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. I retired early to get Medicare and redusece medical expenses. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. I stumbled here because my wife shows or accepts zero affection , caring or appreciation. Honor us with attention and physical contact. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. Divorce? Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Again, he has no interest in sex and doesnt even like me seeing him naked say getting out of the shower, or undressing, etc.. And, he remains curled up and turned away from me in bed at night. Susan!!! I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. Not!! That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. I am so angry at him too!!! Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. This went on for years. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. And I am one of those. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Porn is the no. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. It will only create more distance between you. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. Its not always the woman who has no interest. My 20 year marriage imploded because my husband completely lost his testosterone at age 55. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. struggles or clinical depression? The last time I had sex was in 1997. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. . Tell her how much I love her. There is one category which never seems to be covered in these kind of forums, that is where one partner is both medically unadvisable to have sex. Equality sounds great in principle people should be equal, right? Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? To the men out there, moaning about their wives loosing interest, think about how you would feel after loosing your testicles. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. Its not an option. Should be a Clause in sickness and health and sex also! Thats abusive and hurtful too. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Ever again. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. Wtf are we supposed to do when our spouse doesnt want to make love? This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. She NEVER asks but will tell me I can have it whenever I want. Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. the you. Feeling loved and getting affection, including sex is important to me. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? I miss the simple things. Only you can decide if this is right for you. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. And for the love of god stop watching fake porn. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. My hubby is one happy camper. The experts have very little to offer. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. Men are very simple to please. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. i rejected it, because I have become detached, unhappy and frustrated. Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. So my question to the men here. Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. That last sentence got my attention. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. I am male. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Frankly; its time to move on and out . I became completely numb to anything. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. Life is way too short! Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. And one factor is being a caregiver. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Jos!! She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. Tired of initiating intimacy? Could I just ask the question? But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Please help. And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? our sense of what is expected . I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. The dog loves her. Been married 20 years . I so badly need a woman Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. Maybe your wife isn't initiating sex, or she seems to be actively avoiding it. But here I sit.pissed off. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. I like cuddling. Please explain to me. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. Wednesday, August 30, 2017 The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. 3. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. Dear, dear men, Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. Food shape. Really connect. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Where is their allegiance to you? Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. You have to find a life without him. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. Sorry long diatribe. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. I do not wish this upon anyone!!! I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Too much trouble. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. With the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, lets unravel the reasons behind why theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife, so you can ascertain the difference between an unloving wife or one who has subliminally been trying to send you a message. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. Subscribe now (do it here) and dont miss a single column. The children I mention are my children from a prior marriage and I do 100% of everything for them without any help from her. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. That means you could wait forever for your wife to just want sex. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. My career came to a halt after my illness, due to a stigma related to my heart problems and brain surgery. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. Spice up your appearance. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. No doubt youre frustrated. This so frustrating at times. I felt rejected at times, but I learned that what postpartum moms go through physically and emotionally is intense. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. 1. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. None of us know how to read, converse or think. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. Sometimes the answers are only inside of us. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. . "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Fix it. In other cases, when the in-laws are constantly meddling the resentment may make it seem like you have an unloving wife but shes actually just frustrated at the lack of privacy, says Gopa. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave,

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